This Oyinbo Syndrome

I was taught that Nigeria gained independence from her colonial masters in 1960 but I have since come to learn that that was just the country. A lot of the people are still bound and faithfully serving their imaginary masters.

#1

I do events a lot. And I have to carry lots of stuff into big hotels -  plenty load that you have no choice but to use the trolley. Now, those hotel porters are a wonder. I have not seen a chameleon that camouflages faster than them in response to skin colour. Any time I have any of the oyibos with me, ah! they can want to carry all the load including the trolley on their head sef. But when it is myself alone or alongside my two tiny colleagues that I have been feeding for two years but they refuse to grow fat, chai, comman see the attitude of the porter reminding you that he is old enough to be your grandfather. I am talking about the actual situation where the guest really needs the help of the porter. On three different occasions, the porter actually just stood there, watching me load my stuff onto the trolley and watched again as I offloaded without offering to lift a pin. On another occasion, it was the same porter that had appeared miraculously out of nowhere when he spotted my oyinbo oga helping out with the load from the booth of the car. When oga saw that we had help, he left us with daddy porter to check into his hotel room. Darris how daddy remembered that I cannot pass the age of his great granddaughter and stood there like log of wood.

‘Daddy, please help load onto the trolley’ I asked respectfully

‘We don’t assist with taking things to that side of the hotel” daddy porter responded.

My pincholo colleague couldn’t take the hypocrisy anymore, she starts talking to granddaddy porter one kain, me I just ignored. (Yesterday though, I couldn’t take it anymore so I called the manager’s attention after the porter had blurted back at her "why you no be white")

#2

We had everything set at last. The day had been busy at work in preparation for the upcoming awards that same evening. We just had to move the last set of supplies to the venue. I put a call through to one of the office drivers to come pick us up and he replied that he was still in Lekki. I volunteered to wait for him as Lekki wasn’t that far. I could practically feel the reluctance in his voice as he further reiterated that he had no idea when he would be back, he couldn’t predict the traffic etc. 

‘D, I have load to carry and I don’t have a choice but to wait for you. I am sure you don’t expect me to carry the load or Taichi on my head’ I responded and a miracle happened.

Taichi is my Oyibo boss from the Far East.  

‘Oyibo is there with you? I am coming now now now now, you should have told me before.’

I was appalled! Immediately, we made other arrangements and got our stuff to the venue. D kept calling to tell me he will be at the office soon.I couldn’t help but wonder. I remembered the last time D had dropped Taichi at the airport and he had come dancing back with the 20 cedi note he got as tip. At that time 20 cedi was one thousand in Nigerian naira. Na me pity this guy to epp his life to change the money as the cedi was of absolutely no value to him. He would have spent close to one thousand going back to the airport to change the money. 20 cedi? The same driver that will comman give me one envelope from his church or ask me for celebration something during the festive periods.

#3

This same hotel story. If you have noticed closely, it seems British men find it uncomfortable when ladies lift or carry heavy load. We had another event and my Britico Oga was with us helping as we took the things out of the car into the hotel scanning machine. He entered the hotel to receive the items on the other side of the scanner while I joined my colleague who was apparently having issues with the Uber driver. Britico was at the other end assisting the porter to put the items on the trolley. Next thing I hear is the door man screaming “both of you are just standing there gisting, go and help your oga carry the load’

My head ring bell!

1.       Where did the assumption that once you see oyinbo and black, automatically, oyinbo is the boss come from? 

2.       What gives you the audacity, the effrontery or the right to tell a hotel guest what and what not to do?

3.       If the matter pained him so much, why did he not leave his duty post, carry all his generation to assist the oyinbo since the black skin was created for the menial jobs.

I just looked at him, shook my head and returned to my conversation.

My fellow Nigerians, my heart bleeds at this evil mentality and bondage we have put ourselves in. Automatically, a lot of employers will pay more to a foreign degree holder from CUBA over my OAU certificate. My colleague that had her baby in the US is automatically a better advisor on maternal matters because of the foreign experience. International exposure is good and desirable, don’t get me wrong but that is what it is and it should end there. Every individual, black, white or red should be analysed based on mutual respect and intellectual capacity not the colour of their skin or the location of birth or study or even their fake accents.

I look forward to the day our minds are fully liberated. The day the average African no longer looks up to anything foreign for some sort of help or direction especially over his own equally qualified black skinned dude.

written in Nigerian English

Photo credits: uptownmagazine.com binscorner.com nairaland